Today I have come back to Hong Kong to stand before you and account for myself. I have never escaped from my responsibility. During the past few weeks, I have been with my mother and my family and my loved ones to show support and care and at the same time to have them support and care for me.
I admit that most of the photos being circulated on the Internet were taken by me. But these photos are very private and have not been shown to people and are never intended to be shown to anyone. These photos were stolen from me illegally and distributed without my consent.
There is no doubt whoever obtained these photos have them uploaded on the Internet with malicious and deliberate intent. This matter has deteriorated to the extent that society as a whole has been affected by this. In this regard, I am deeply saddened. I would like now to apologize to all the people for all the suffering that has been caused and the problems that have arisen from this. I would like to apologize to all the ladies and to all their families for any harm or hurt that they have been feeling. I am sorry. I would like to also apologize to my mother and my father for the pain and suffering I have caused them during the past few weeks. Most importantly, I would like to say sorry to all the people of Hong Kong. I give my apology sincerely to you all, unreservedly and with my heart.
I know young people in Hong Kong look up to many figures in our society. And in this regard, I have failed. I failed as a role model. However, I wish this matter will teach everyone a lesson. To all the young people in our community, let this be a lesson for you all. This is not an example to be set for you.
During my time away, I have made an important decision. I will whole-heartedly fulfill all commitments that I have to date. But after that, I decided to step away from the Hong Kong entertainment industry. I have decided to do this to give myself an opportunity to heal myself and to search my soul. I will dedicate my time to charity and community work within the next few months. I will be away from Hong Kong entertainment industry indefinitely. There is no time frame.
I have been assisting the police since the first day the photos were published and I will continue to assist them. After this press con., I have obligation to help them with their investigation and hope that this case can end soon as everyone I think has the same wish.
I would like to use this opportunity to thank the police for their hard work on this case. Thank you.. I believe everyone's priority now (and) my priority now is to stop the suffering and pain, for not letting this…we do not want to let this situation become more out of control. We need to protect all the innocents and all the young from matters like this. In this regard, I have instructed my lawyers to do everything possible within the law to protect all the innocents, victims of this case. I believe that a press statement is being issued as we speak on what my lawyers have advised me to do.
Lastly, I would like to thank everyone for coming here today and listening to what I have to say. I would like to also apologize once again to all the ladies and their families, my family and to everyone in Hong Kong and everyone in our society. I am deeply saddened by this. And I apologize to everyone (who) has to go through this. I would like to also thank you for giving me this opportunity to say what I have wanted to say all along in my heart.
I hope, after today, I can have your forgiveness. With regard to this case, with everything, everything that has happened, I am deeply sorry.. I hope you all accept my apology and give me a chance. Thank you.
郭德纲精典语录
1、这么冷天我没衣服，穿着一身塑料的西装。
2、他那照片，贴在门上避邪，贴床头避孕。
3、好些天都没吃饭了，看谁都像烙饼。
4、唉，人善被人欺，马善被人骑，骑着脖子拉屎啊！拉干的，我拨了下去，拉稀的，我擦了去，骑着脖子拉痢疾！
5、遛累了，他坐这，狗坐这，一边高，谁过来都纳闷：这是谁家双胞胎啊？
6、那天于谦出来，一电线掉下来了正搭脸上，滋啦，脸全黑了，弄到医院去了，大夫问于谦：你是煤矿文工团的？
7、年轻人，你就是凌晨两三点钟的太阳。
8、您体格好啊，一看就知道一准儿活到死。
9、天地无声、心胸宽广、谁家的事都是我的事、为百姓造福、为社会解忧、专门帮助你们这些个无权无势的弱智群体，（弱势群体）拿你的事当我的事，看谁都像我的儿女们。
10、妇女主任晚上串完门回家，半道上遇见流氓了，妇女主任正直啊，挣扎，经过一番激烈的的挣扎，流氓被扒了个精光。
11、我和中国相声界有个协议，我负责幽默，他们负责品位，谁也别动谁东西，谁也别动啊。
12、西游记里面，唐僧唐长老带着一个仆人，叫沙和尚，还有俩宠物，一个猴一个猪，旅游的故事。
13、他们家有仨姑娘，大姐长得像他爸爸，二姐长得像***，三姐好看，白，长得像街坊。
14、我是一个玉洁冰清的人，贞烈贤良就是我的代名词，我走到哪，贞洁牌坊就跟到哪，我决不接外活。
15、我当艺术家都一个多礼拜了。
16、于老师人家祖祖辈辈都有钱，他的曾祖，曾经是前清宫的二品带剪子护卫。
17、有人说要抛弃传统相声，这就值左右开弓一千四百个大嘴巴！
18、我媳妇就跟我说了“好好说相声，别的都甭管，把相声说好就行了”她这也叫望子成龙了。
19、社会进步了，女人是生活中的强者；科技发展了，男人是床上的弱者！
20、老头那屋满屋都是书，繁体的，简体的，古文的，外文的，哎呀这个有学问呢！各种版本的《金瓶梅》都有。
21、有二尺长的龙虾吗？对不起没有二尺长的只有二尺二的，什么破饭店连二尺长的龙虾都没有，来盘土豆丝。
22、现在的手机多高级啊，彩屏的、翻盖的、滑盖的、打的通的、打不通的。
23、敢情你入了丐帮了！打扮得很讲究啊！
24、老爷子身体不错，就是满嘴牙都掉了，就剩下一颗牙，吃东西还塞牙了……吃藕套眼儿里头了。
25、我买了王羲之的亲笔写的大字：同一个世界同一个梦想。
26、我拦住路上的走路那女的准备打劫，一问才知道是下岗女工，越说越可怜，最后我给她五块钱。
27、生活就像宋祖德的嘴，你永远都不知道下一个倒霉的会是谁。
28、到这一看，没错，就是白宫，这个白啊，门口站着好些记者，看见我全围过来了问：“师傅，要光盘吗”？
29、床前明月光，疑是地上霜，举头望明月，我叫郭德纲。
30、经过的我辅导，多少个濒临自杀的人，都尝试杀人了，都是我攒动的。
31、我们半路迷路了，他拿出一堆仪器来，指东南西北针……我说你这都落后了，咱得采取先进的办法，扔鞋吧。
32、你要舍得死我就舍得埋！
33、田二飞起来，大头朝下奔着马路牙子就去了，拿脑袋跟这石头做了一个轻微的较量……田二输了。
34、我那个围墙大啊，一面20里地，四面一样长，一个大长方形。
35、散场大家都别走啊，我请大家吃饭——谁去谁掏钱。
36、天下最不是人的就是人。
37、来一两啤酒，再来四颗花生米，等会儿，这有一个（在地上拣一个），来三颗就行了。
38、来了这么些人，感谢您啊，太捧了。没出正月就还是年，在这给大家拜个晚年，祝大家晚年幸福。
39、王先生，学问好啊，比大学生强，比硕士强，比博士强，比院士强，您是烈士。
40、我那个气啊，狠狠地骂了他一句：我给你滚出去。（着急嘴不利索）
41、你们千万别打他，也别骂他，不就是要钱么，咱好商量。不过丑话说头里，要是超过100块钱，你们就撕票得了。
42、我买50辆好车——奥拓、奥拓、奥拓……！用铁丝镖起来，开起来跟火车一样！
43、我和超人唯一的区别就是我把内裤穿里边了。
44、嫂子前列腺不舒服。
45、向后翻腾三周半零一个多月。
46、两口子不一定感情好，感情好不一定是两口子；相声大师不一定会说相声，歌星不一定识谱。
47、龙虾，海蟹，哈哈！我就爱吃带壳的！服务员，给他来盘瓜子。
48、一些女演员为了上戏和男导演睡觉，太无耻了！女导演太少，让我们这些个男演员怎么办？
49、那锁拿根面条一捅就开，一包方便面能开一小区。
50、我想想啊……新疆，柴达木，这得算三环外了吧？
51、你无耻的样子，颇有我年轻时候的神韵。
52、法律不管我早打死他了。
53、我终究没能飙得过那辆宝马，只能眼看着它在夕阳中绝尘而去，不是我的引擎不好，而是我脚蹬子坏了！
54、依法纳妾是每个公民应尽的义务！
55、我眼前闪过许多英雄人物的形象，有一位西门大官人，还有爱好摄影的陈老师（陈冠希）。
56、孔圣人说过：好白菜都让猪给拱了。
57、上次喝多了，拿筷子当鸡爪子，吃了一根半。
58、马瘦毛长蹄子肥，儿子偷爹不算贼。瞎大爷娶个瞎大奶奶，老俩口过了多半辈谁也没看见谁。
59、我参与，你奉献，我快乐！
60、于谦在我心里，就是一完人……这人完了。
Edison：
Today I have come back to Hong Kong to stand before you and account for myself. I have never escaped from my responsibility. During the past few weeks, I have been with my mother and my family and my loved ones to show support and care and at the same time to have them support and care for me.
I admit that most of the photos being circulated on the Internet were taken by me. But these photos are very private and have not been shown to people and are never intended to be shown to anyone. These photos were stolen from me illegally and distributed without my consent.
There is no doubt whoever obtained these photos have them uploaded on the Internet with malicious and deliberate intent. This matter has deteriorated to the extent that society as a whole has been affected by this. In this regard, I am deeply saddened. I would like now to apologize to all the people for all the suffering that has been caused and the problems that have arisen from this. I would like to apologize to all the ladies and to all their families for any harm or hurt that they have been feeling. I am sorry. I would like to also apologize to my mother and my father for the pain and suffering I have caused them during the past few weeks. Most importantly, I would like to say sorry to all the people of Hong Kong. I give my apology sincerely to you all, unreservedly and with my heart.
I know young people in Hong Kong look up to many figures in our society. And in this regard, I have failed. I failed as a role model. However, I wish this matter will teach everyone a lesson. To all the young people in our community, let this be a lesson for you all. This is not an example to be set for you.
During my time away, I have made an important decision. I will whole-heartedly fulfill all commitments that I have to date. But after that, I decided to step away from the Hong Kong entertainment industry. I have decided to do this to give myself an opportunity to heal myself and to search my soul. I will dedicate my time to charity and community work within the next few months. I will be away from Hong Kong entertainment industry indefinitely. There is no time frame.
I have been assisting the police since the first day the photos were published and I will continue to assist them. After this press con., I have obligation to help them with their investigation and hope that this case can end soon as everyone I think has the same wish.
I would like to use this opportunity to thank the police for their hard work on this case. Thank you.. I believe everyone's priority now (and) my priority now is to stop the suffering and pain, for not letting this…we do not want to let this situation become more out of control. We need to protect all the innocents and all the young from matters like this. In this regard, I have instructed my lawyers to do everything possible within the law to protect all the innocents, victims of this case. I believe that a press statement is being issued as we speak on what my lawyers have advised me to do.
Lastly, I would like to thank everyone for coming here today and listening to what I have to say. I would like to also apologize once again to all the ladies and their families, my family and to everyone in Hong Kong and everyone in our society. I am deeply saddened by this. And I apologize to everyone (who) has to go through this. I would like to also thank you for giving me this opportunity to say what I have wanted to say all along in my heart.
I hope, after today, I can have your forgiveness. With regard to this case, with everything, everything that has happened, I am deeply sorry.. I hope you all accept my apology and give me a chance. Thank you.
